Third party Insurance – emotional rescues

Does it work when you try to sort others out?

I get people who try to refer their partners to me for a session – and it very rarely works out.  Or they want their grown up children to get help.  Or it’s their parent or friend.  I love a referral but I need to speak directly to the person concerned – not via a third party.

When you notice yourself trying to sort out other people’s problems, stop and ask yourself:  Is this person an adult?  Are they physically and mentally able to communicate themselves?

Hard though it may be to step back, it is often the most powerful thing to do (emergencies excepted of course).  By suggesting a course of action we show concern.  But if we try to ‘organise’ a course of action for someone else it often fails because it is not empowering for them.  They may feel like you know the answers and they don’t.  So step back.  Let them come to you for advice by all means and share your opinions wisely.  Then take a deep breath and climb back into your own energy, your own power and sense of self.  This offers the other person a space to breathe themselves.

The most powerful and healing tool in the work I do is the power of my own Presence (my achingly alive awareness of the present moment and of the profound inner self who speaks through me at these times).  Cultivate your own sense of Presence.

Frances Lockstone is an author and coach. She lives and works in Wales, UK and loves to share her years of experience of teaching Innerbody Wisdom.

To book a  coaching session  on Skype email her:

 frances@innerbodywisdom.co.uk

To read her book on Innerbody Wisdom click on the link below –

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Innerbody-Wisdom-Finding-presence-spiritual-ebook/dp/B00UUEPPXI/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1475484739&sr=1-1&keywords=Innerbody+Wisdom

http://www.innerbodywisdom.co.uk

 

Advertisements

Do you get irritable and annoyed with yourself?

Tough day?  Could be you are suffering from your inner critic.

Just one of those days?  or  a repeating pattern in your life.  It’s just how I am – or could I change this pattern of irritation and annoyance?

Your inner critic is a learned response to stress.  I bet you had a critical mum or dad (and bless them, because they were doing their best and so are you.)

Let’s see if we can work out what the pay off is.  Say to yourself ‘When I criticise myself it …..’  Could be in a strange way it relieves the tension for a moment (but does it create more in the long term?)  Could be it is a habit – something you do as a displacement activity when you can’t grasp a task or haven’t the energy to work out a solution.

Once you realise that this inner critic saps life energy and can become a habit that sends you on a downward spiral you may decide to observe it more closely.  Let it rip – do not try and stop it or it will go underground to emerge even stronger.  Get help from a trained therapist.  Talk to a good and wise friend.  Notice if anyone in your circle of family and friends is also critical of you.  What is inside of us tends to get reflected outside too.  The universe is there to help us see ourselves for the radiant beings of light we truly are.  The inner critic is the voice of ignorance and despair.  Would you want that to continue on and on in your mind space?  No, I thought not.  By observing the inner critic you are stopping sending it unconscious energy.  You are reversing a habit that is unhelpful.  You are gaining self knowledge.

Frances Lockstone is an author and coach. She lives and works in Wales, UK and loves to share her years of experience of teaching Innerbody Wisdom.

To book a  coaching session  on Skype email her:

 frances@innerbodywisdom.co.uk

To read her book on Innerbody Wisdom click on the link below –

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Innerbody-Wisdom-Finding-presence-spiritual-ebook/dp/B00UUEPPXI/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1475484739&sr=1-1&keywords=Innerbody+Wisdom

http://www.innerbodywisdom.co.uk

When it hurts, choose to be present

It can get messy, life!

We want to be happy.  That is pretty well it.  Life, of course, presents us with many unhappy circumstances.  How do we set about dealing with these challenges?

1 Scream and shout and blame someone else

2 Grumble that you shouldn’t have to deal with this.  Also called the ‘Why me syndrome’

3 Give up and get depressed

You and I have already repeated 1-3 many times.   Let’s try something else, shall we?

Notice the patterns.  When 1-3 occur again, write down what you experience.  Don’t get hard on yourself.  Punishments tend to worsen the crime not make it go away.

Today begin the new reaction.  Begin to notice and be very present with your behaviour.  Be curious about it.  Don’t dismiss or hide it.  True change begins with awareness.  Seek professional help if you need it.  Talk to others who are experienced in this area.  Read the books.  Your life, your precious being, are your true work this lifetime.

 

Frances Lockstone is an author and coach. She lives and works in Wales, UK and loves to share her years of experience of teaching Innerbody Wisdom.

To book a  coaching session  on Skype email her:

 frances@innerbodywisdom.co.uk

To read her book on Innerbody Wisdom click on the link below –

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Innerbody-Wisdom-Finding-presence-spiritual-ebook/dp/B00UUEPPXI/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1475484739&sr=1-1&keywords=Innerbody+Wisdom

http://www.innerbodywisdom.co.uk

 

 

 

Relationship crisis on the horizon?

What to do when life is horrible

It happens to us all – that wonderful love life collapses, your partner turns into an ogre, you stop loving your job.  Whatever the circumstances we all suffer in a crisis.  But what if you knew, deep down, that every crisis holds the possibility for transformation?  Yes, a crisis holds danger for us – it threatens our wellbeing, our security and our sense of self.  But at its core, a crisis is inviting change.

What if I were to tell you that you can invoke profound energies within yourself to help you?  That you and I cannot find peace and intimacy through our little ego selves but we can open the door to our amazing inner zone of peace?

Firstly, we need to sit down with the problem, on our own.  Why alone?  Because we have to OWN the situation and we can only do that when alone and deeply focused.  Once we allow ourselves to feel the deep sadness and pain we are then able to accept the facts.  Write down what has happened.  Don’t allow the pain to overcome you.  Your pain body will rise up and swallow you if you allow it.  Breathe deeply.  Because at this point of profound acceptance of how things are, you are invoking the power of your inner wisdom.  You cannot decide to be happy or peaceful or content.  You know that.  You have been grasping after those things for years.  But now you have opened the inner door that will allow the grace and kindness and love inside your ancient self to arise.

Humanity is in crisis.  The world we live in is suffering from the ego dominated madness of the human mind.  Take this crisis and acknowlege the danger but know also, that it holds the profound seeds of change for the evolution of the human race.  Your pain is part of this story and your ability to allow transformation in your own world is a significant act of healing for us all.

Frances Lockstone is an author and coach. She lives and works in Wales, UK and loves to share her years of experience of teaching Innerbody Wisdom.

To book a  coaching session  on Skype email her:

 frances@innerbodywisdom.co.uk

To read her book on Innerbody Wisdom click on the link below –

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Innerbody-Wisdom-Finding-presence-spiritual-ebook/dp/B00UUEPPXI/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1475484739&sr=1-1&keywords=Innerbody+Wisdom

http://www.innerbodywisdom.co.uk

I can’t stop thinking – it’s driving me mad

The biggest disease on this planet is overthinking

Let’s imagine you are sitting in bed having woken up.  You don’t feel rested or even happy.  Your mind has started up already with its endless thoughts.  But something in you knows this and is watching helplessly from the sidelines.  What to do?

That something is the real you, the wise observer that lies quietly behind everything you know yourself to be.  It is not helpless – that is just the message your mind is sending you.  So how to cure yourself of this dis-ease of the mind?  Take a moment now.  Switch your awareness away from this blogpost.  Put it instead on your breathing.  Yes, you know all this stuff already, but are you activating it in a dynamic and healing way?

Many of us know about watching the breath but how many of us do it during the day?

Here is my tip – imagine your breath is your friend and you want to say hello to your friend regularly.  Your friend is your support and your lifeline and literally, your very life itself.  You remember to breath knowingly and soon you are doing it without needing to place all your attention on it.  You begin to breathe consciously throughout the day and it warms and illuminates you.  Your mind starts to slow down.  It just can’t compete with your friendly breath.  It may try to hook you into your doubts, fears and guilt but when you notice that happening go to your breath and feel the warmth and comfort that lies there for you.

And what of the mind then?   It becomes a helpful servant, available to make lists and solve problems, but it no longer dominates.  The lack of ease experienced by most people, that can result in illness, is down to the epidemic of overthinking that has developed into the madness of our world today.

Choose not to be a part of  it.

Frances Lockstone is an author and coach. She  lives and works in Wales, UK and loves to share her years of experience of sharing Innerbody Wisdom.

To book a coaching session  on Skype email her: frances@innerbodywisdom.co.uk

To read her book on Innerbody Wisdom click on the link below –

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Innerbody-Wisdom-Finding-presence-spiritual-ebook/dp/B00UUEPPXI/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1475484739&sr=1-1&keywords=Innerbody+Wisdom

http://www.innerbodywisdom.co.uk

 

What to do in a crisis to help yourself

Why life goes pear shaped sometimes

Check this out – are you more focused on your outer material world than the inner world?Has that material world swallowed you whole like a fish? Then I can guarantee that is why a crisis has come up in your life.  Because?

Because our reason for being born is to reconnect to the Self who we really are and believe me,you are not going to find it in the material life, the everyday, the needy ego struggling to get more money, put food on the table and keep the car on the road.  No, so we get given a crisis from time to time to wake us up.  The crisis is calling a halt to the normal run of things.  It is guaranteed to stir you up and probably give you a hard time.

What to do?  Take a step back.  You need to assess the situation.  Breathe deeply into your belly and take your awareness into your body.  This takes practice, so please do not wait for your next crisis to practice this.  Do it now.  You need to establish a connection with your inner self, the one who you have neglected and forgotten all about.  Do this several times a day.  Begin to experience a sense of something deep and peaceful inside your being that is normally covered up with doing things, getting things, getting rid of things, planning how to get things and worrying about the past.  Once you get a sliver of a sense of that huge and lovely inner being that you really are you have opened the door for help, sustenance, kindness and protection.  Work at it.  It is a relationship and you need to pay attention to develop it.  Neglect it and you will lose this dimension of the divine and feel a deep sense of loss.  Some clients tell me they have had this lingering sense of loss and sadness since forever and nothing seems to fill the gap.  Well, of course not.  The stuff we desperately fill our lives with is not meant to fill the gap.   Initially relationships and material goods and experiences feel great but it all wears off eventually, doesn’t it?

So life forces us back on ourselves and we turn inwards to find what was always right there.  It was always right there because we are that peace, love and kindness we have all been searching for and not finding outside of ourselves.  The miracle is, as soon as a person turns their eye inwards and reconnects to the soul of their being, they start to express this wonderful energy and to attract it outside of themselves.  Miracles happen.  Life takes on a meaning and value that completes us.  We undergo our painful crises with a watchful eye – the eye of wisdom and knowing.  Our crises no longer take us over.  We acknowledge the patterns and rhythms of life and respect the outer world.  We are not here on earth to control the material world, but to live in it with wisdom and kindness and this is only possible when we have reconnected to the profound energies within our very own being.

Start today.  Their is no tomorrow in this story.

Frances Lockstone is an author and coach. She  lives and works in Wales, UK and loves to share her years of experience of teaching Innerbody Wisdom.  To read her book on Innerbody Wisdom just click on the link below –

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Innerbody-Wisdom-Finding-presence-spiritual-ebook/dp/B00UUEPPXI/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1475484739&sr=1-1&keywords=Innerbody+Wisdom

http://www.innerbodywisdom.co.uk

Heap a little happiness into your life today

Growing up is discovering that happiness is not out there but inside me

Can you sweet talk a little happiness into your life?  Certainly, but only when you have accepted that happiness does not arise from out there, from your lover friends family dog or money.  It may look like it.  That is the illusion we suffer as humans.  In believing that others, or things, can make us happy we give away our power to the very illusion that destroys our peace of mind.

So here is what to do right now.  No1 start to take responsibility for turning inwards to find happiness.  In fact happiness arises anyway as soon as you focus away from the material world.  You can still live in the world but you stop buying into the illusion that there is nothing else in life.

No 2 develop a daily ritual to remind yourself of the ‘otherness’ of life.  Take a quiet walk and focus on how you feel.  Don’t have a conversation about it.  Simply place your attention on your feelings.  Your body is a wonderful pathway to the ‘otherness’ where happiness arises.

No 4 Oh did I skip one?  Well that’s the one you find for yourself because no-one is going to do this journey to recover happiness for you.  Have the mind of an explorer who suspects that wonderful worlds exist but they don’t have a map for it.

Frances Lockstone is an author and coach. She  lives and works in Wales, UK and loves to share her years of experience of teaching Innerbody Wisdom.  To read her book on Innerbody Wisdom just click on the link below –

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Innerbody-Wisdom-Finding-presence-spiritual-ebook/dp/B00UUEPPXI/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1475484739&sr=1-1&keywords=Innerbody+Wisdom

http://www.innerbodywisdom.co.uk

 

Of course you are afraid!

What can I do?

Just by accepting we are human and vulnerable will help.  Take a deep breath and say ‘it’s OK, I can deal with this.’

We are human and vulnerable and very much alive.  But we are more than that.  We are divine beings of light and humour and wisdom.

There is a reason why the word HUMAN and HUMOUR are so close – because we need humour to lighten our burdens, to remind us of who we really are.  When we lose our sense of humour we are unable to access the profound inner wisdom of our deepest selves.  That place of wisdom, deep within us, can be accessed through laughter and breathing, through movement and voice.

Get up, stretch, look out of the window.  Smile (even if it through gritted teeth) and agree that you will find a way through.  If the situation demands help, get it.  Act today to right the wrongs in your life  Even sitting down and writing it down in a notebook can relieve the pressures. Inactivity and the feeling of being stuck often go together.  Spend a little more time in your inner world of dream, vision, fantasy.  Maybe you just forgot who you really are?  Don’t rely on others to validate your ‘good’ – validate it for yourself everyday.

Frances Lockstone is an author and coach. She  lives and works in Wales, UK and loves to share her years of experience of teaching Innerbody Wisdom.  To read her book on Innerbody Wisdom just click on the link below –

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Innerbody-Wisdom-Finding-presence-spiritual-ebook/dp/B00UUEPPXI/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1475484739&sr=1-1&keywords=Innerbody+Wisdom

http://www.innerbodywisdom.co.uk

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s OK to flipper from one to the other

. . . The ego grasps identity, needs approval, covets achievement, and wallows in a sense of superiority. . Mindfulness is about letting go, bringing perspective to desires. . The ego is rigid and narrow, mindful flexible and expansive. . The ego is created, mindful just is. . The ego feels isolated, better or worse, […]

via Choices: the Ego or Mindfulness — C PTSD – A Way Out

Useful advice when the critics hit you

Written by Eric C., MA., PhD Candidate (USA) Founder of: MakeItUltra™ “Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, but it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.” ~Dale Carnegie My fiancé can’t stand the way I drive. I, of course, do not agree with her criticism and defend my driving skills as if I […]

via 5 Easy Steps to Accept Criticism — MakeItUltra™